I love the stupidity of AI. How can something that is attracting trillions of dollars of investment, bleeding the world of water and electricity, and upending various economies be so dumb?
Oh, Iβm sure it can do some things. Apparently itβs good at coding and big data medical research. But so often it shows less ability than the most ill-informed human.
This, of course, is good news for people. Itβs like the moment the Daleks from Doctor Who first encountered a set of stairs. Hurrah, said we humans. They canβt defeat us yet.
Those whoβve tried to use AI as a research tool talk about its eagerness to please. Itβs like a dog wagging its tail and saying, βwhatever you want, bossβ. If, by your questioning, youβve indicated a preference for a particular answer, AI will cheer on your preconceptions.
Personally, I have a preconception that I am a brilliant writer whose books are full of genius. Of course, AI agrees.
The latest AI-powered scam is to send emails to authors whose books are listed on Amazon. Poor old authors! We make hardly any money but we are desperate for attention. And that means we are ripe for scamming.
In my case, I receive two or three emails every week. Each email describes one of my books at inordinate length and in terms so glowing even I think itβs ridiculous. Iβve read the books and theyβre not that good.
Yet various of them are βsuperbβ, βan amazing contributionβ and βdeserving of a wider audienceβ. The gush, it should be said, then describes individual scenes in each book, including character names, praising their βbrillianceβ.
Then, after about 1000 words of this computer-generated rubbish, comes the pitch. This supposed person runs a book club or a literary festival and, if only I would make contact, theyβd love to help me achieve a wider audience in North America.
Yeah, sure.
Iβm in the author business but I assume there are similar pitches targeting doctors and engineers and all manners of other professions. βI have just read your brilliant scientific paper on metallurgical reactions in underwater ecosystems and believe it worthy of a wider audience β¦β
So why do I say AI is dumb? For the cost of nothing itβs generated these emails. Presumably some people are scammed.
Humans understand that if, in the past week, Iβve bought a new mattress, Iβm unlikely to need another mattress. Not so AI.
But hereβs why AI is still the equivalent of a Dalek contemplating a set of stairs. For a start, you can tell within two sentences that itβs not written by a human. It lacks the rhythm and personality of real writing and is gushy to a degree that makes any normal person laugh out loud.
And then, gloriously, there will be some spectacular error. The latest email to hit my inbox, for example, praises my book Leonidas, A Poem, Vol. 2 β a lengthy epic poem set in Ancient Greece.
As the email put it: βYour masterful portrayal of King Leonidas, the unwavering Spartan warriors, Melissa, Megistias, Medon, Maron, and the indomitable Greek spirit creates an unforgettable literary experience that celebrates the enduring values of courage, sacrifice, honour, leadership, and the relentless pursuit of freedom.β
The work is βtruly extraordinaryβ, according to the email, and deserving of a wider audience. And if only I would make contact β¦
One problem. The author is Richard Glover, itβs true, but this Richard Glover was a British poet who died in 1785. Iβm sure heβd love to gain a wider audience in the United States but I wonder how heβll pay for their services? How many doubloons will they charge? Will he be able to make the trip to the literary festival, since heβs been dead for 241 years? Will he be willing to board the aeroplane, since heβs more accustomed to travel by sail?
Again, any vaguely sentient human would question whether any author, alive and with an email address, could really have been the author of a book published in 1737. But not AI. Itβs dumb. So dumb.
Scams, of course, are only one aspect of the dumbness of AI. With its help, advertisers pay extra to present me with βcustomised advertisingβ. This inevitably involves trying to sell me something that Iβve only just purchased. Humans understand that if, in the past week, Iβve bought a new mattress, Iβm unlikely to need another mattress. Ditto a return flight to Tokyo, a set of tyres or a new couch. Not so AI. Whatever you bought last week, youβll now want to buy 20 more of the same.
My favourite example is that cited by the Australian academic Toby Walsh. He asked AI how many bβs are in the word βbananaβ and he was told there are two or three bβs in banana. Thatβs because the most common question about the spelling of βbananaβ is how many aβs or nβs the word contains, so AI assumes thatβs what you must be asking. No one has ever asked how many bβs are in βbananaβ as the answer is obvious β well, obvious providing you are not an AI bot.
Meanwhile, I may reply βyesβ on behalf of Richard Glover, the 18th-century poet. Heβd love to come to America β just as soon as theyβve completed that pesky war of independence.
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