‘A Very Jonas Christmas Movie’ review: Trio makes good holiday company
I canβt name a single song by the Jonas Brothers, but I can tell you their names β Joe, Kevin and Nick β and that they made a sitcom, βJonasβ (second season titled βJonas L.A.β), back in 2009 that I liked a lot. The memory of that show was enough to get me kind of excited for βA Very Jonas Christmas Movie,β premiering Friday on Disney+ β which, as it happens, I also like. The humor is self-deprecating, the setting international, the weather wintry, the company good.
The plot, which is basically βPlanes, Trains and Automobiles,β minus Steve Martin, John Candy and Thanksgiving, plus the Jonas Brothers, Christmas and magic, finds the boys β are they boys or are they men, itβs a point of discussion β in London, a few days before Christmas on the last night of a six-month tour. While they are good at being the capital-B Jonas Brothers onstage facing screaming thousands, they are less adept at being the small-b brothers after the curtain comes down. Their relationship seems pretty normal to me, but to each his own necessity.
Here they delineate their characters.
Joe (to Nick): Youβre the uptight responsible one.
Kevin (to Joe): Youβre the relatable tramp. Iβm the relatable β
Nick: β human cardboard.
Joe: β forgettable Curly.
Nick: β the worldβs most unlikely rock star.
Joe: Not Nick or Joe.
Kevin: I was going to say βhandsome, relatable everyman,β but fine.
Anyway! The tour is over and the relatable tramp wants to go out and party, suggesting it could be epic. βWe are three extremely exhausted dads in our 30s,β replies the uptight one, βhow epic could it be?β And so, while his siblings FaceTime with their IRL families, Joe finds himself on a British barstool β a pubstool β beside a bearded stranger in a red leather jacket. You will recognize the actor as Jesse Tyler Ferguson and the character as St. Nick, barely disguised. Touched by Joeβs story of sibling alienation β βOur Christmas plans are to get the hell away from each otherβ β Santa works his wonders to keep them together until they get their brotherly magic back. For a start, he sends lightning to blow up the plane theyβre scheduled to fly home on. (No one was aboard, we assume.)
βWe should be able to function in the real world,β says Nick to Joe, who is about to phone their manager (Randall Park) to fix things.
βThat would be ideal,β replies Joe, βbut weβve been famous since we were little kids, so it is what it is.β
Further supernatural complications ensue, allowing Joe to have a βBefore Sunriseβ episode with childhood friend Lucy (Chloe Bennet), cute-met on a train that should be going to Paris but is headed to Amsterdam, and Nick to hate-duet with frenemy Ethan (Andrew Barth Feldman), whose father he played in a fictional version of βHome Alone: The Musicalβ (βBeing home alone / Itβs like being with no / With no peopleβ). Other talents swelling the ranks: Laverne Cox as their agent; Billie Lourd as travel agent Cassidy; Will Ferrell as Will Ferrell, No.1 Jonas fan; and Andrea Martin as a rideshare driver.
The songs feel mechanical β easy on the auto-tune, fellas, Iβve seen your Tiny Desk concert and you donβt need it β though the accompanying production numbers are fun. (You knew there would be production numbers.) But like the Beatles and Monkees before them, the brothers are natural, genuine actors; itβs my own Christmas wish that they find more to do in this line. A little breeze would blow the plot away, but keep the windows shut and youβll be fine.